Lots of things going on in my head right now.  Work has become extremely difficult.  I tried to quit last week and it back fired.  I evidently don't know how to quit a job.  It's ok because I don't have another job.  But, I do recognize that I am being abused on a daily basis.  My boss left the door open to one of our conversations so a co worker over heard.  He came in and advised me that it was emotional abuse, and verbal abuse, and he wouldn't take it if it were him.  However, I am the only one that the boss abuses so he doesn't have to take it.  Last week, my boss turned to me and advised me that if he were my therapist he would have told me to get my head out of my ass a long time ago.  All I could think of is, gosh I am grateful he is not my therapist. 

I met with a psychiatrist and she is changing up my meds.  I don't know what to think yet.  I do know that I am tired.  I am mentally and physically exhausted.  Nothing seems to be changing for me.

Last night I had a dream that my oldest sister, who is deceased, came back to my parents home.  I asked her where she had been, she had been living on the streets for all these years.  I was so angry with her.  I was angry that she would leave me to be the oldest child, I was angry that she would leave me to help raise her children and her grandchildren.  This was not like her at all.  I kept asking her "what do you think you were doing?"  She didn't talk.  Then I woke up. 

There has been so much going on since she left us.  She left me with a lot of responsibility, and right now I am failing miserably