I have been working on the Budget, I HATE the budget.  A few nights ago, after I read scriptures with my kids we had time to read another book.  The book we chose was "You Are Mine" by Max Lucado.  If you know anything about the Max Lucado books it talks about a wooden puppet named "Punchinello", and his maker named "Eli".  Well, in this particular book, Punchinello worked really hard to get "things", he even sold his bed to get "things", he worked many hours, and stopped being with friends because he thought to be important he needed more "things".  Finally, he stumbled into the home of "Eli", his maker.  Eli told him how they were just "things" and the "things" he was working so hard for had ended up costing Punchinello a lot.  Eli even at one point says to Punchinello that he needed to trust that Eli would give him what he needed. 

So, working on the budget, and then reading this book I have felt in the dumps.  I am working 2 jobs and still cannot make ends meet.  I am so much like Punchinello it is SAD!  I laid in bed after reading that story to my children and asked if I was too busy working for "things".  I sat there and wondered, if I didn't work to pay for what I do have, who would?  We don't have a lot of "things".  There are 6 of us in a 2 bedroom condo, we drive an older van, our furniture came from the DI.  We do have cell phones and 2 laptops (1 of which is our college daughter's).  I am very frugal when it comes to clothing shopping, and honestly, a lot comes from the DI.  So, if I am so frugal and don't have a lot of  "things", why in the hell can I not live within my means? 

I am told often that I need to not concentrate so hard on the "crap" that I have going on in my life.  I was reading some of my past posts and mentioned that my marriage therapist was quite blunt with me.  I remembered her being blunt, but I couldn't remember why until I worked on the budget and thought about my work.  She was blunt when she advised me that I am keeping busy to avoid a lot, and that I should be getting to the point where I can quit my 2nd job.  Well, when you see that we are $600 short this pay period alone that's when I question again, how am I supposed to do this?  I would think that every little bit helps, but then again, in my head "at what expense?"  Then, there are times where I wonder "Why in the hell am I the one that has to sit and figure this out?  Where is my husband?"    But, then I know who I am and I have never given him anything.