I met with my Bishop on Sunday.  I have been told over and over that I needed to ask my spiritual questions of him.  Well, my poor Bishop gets an awful lot from me.  Last week, after I asked him a question, he answered me somewhat sarchastically.  He then told me I already knew the answer.  I had to explain to him again that I thought I knew the answers to the questions that I have been asking him but after all is said and done I am not sure anymore and I needed someone who was sure to answer my questions. 

This Sunday, it was my questions that took me to his office.  He knows everything I have been going thru and so I needed him to answer my questions.  I have researched on the computer and honestly, if you google, LDS and Sexual abuse in the same sentence, 90% of the search will come up with people who have fallen away from the church.  That is not my desire.  I love the Church, I am grateful for its teachings, but I will admit, I am very confused about Why?  What is the purpose?  And, What am I supposed to be learning from this?    So, I asked the Bishop Why?  Why do so many people that this happens to fall away from the church?  He answered as best as he could, and flat out, they become bitter.  I have felt bitterness.  I don't want to feel bitter. 

Everyone has trials that we need to overcome.  Our trials are designed to strengthen us.  As we discussed this trial that I have been given, we talked about where I was before, and what I want to become.  I was so sure that I could not be shaken, that my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ was strong enough to carry me thru into the next life.  And I can honestly say, that there are some 80 year olds that pass into the next life with a testimony like I had that it was enough.  However, I was shaken, and as the Bishop stated on Sunday "I don't know why your Testimony had to be shaken to its foundation", but, it has.  We read some scriptures and he answered more questions, then I asked him "what if this spiritually destroys me?"  He then said, "then that would be your choice!"    He asked me what my greatest desire would be, and I already knew what I wanted, I want to know my Savior, I want to know his plan for me, I get that this happened, there is nothing I can do about it but heal and grow from it.  Trust me, it sounds so much easier than it is, and "trust" is a very scary word for me because it is one of the hardest things for me to do, but it always has been hard for me.

The Bishop then gave me a beautiful blessing.  This is hard for me.  There are times where I have felt like it would be so much easier to handle this on the other side.  But, that wasn't part of God's plan, so I will follow, I may not like it, but the only way past it is thru it!