I have so many thoughts going thru my head.  I have headaches all the time.  My eye itches, and my arm is still tender from the PICC line but I am on the mend physically, mentally is another situation.  I hate that I am still trying to figure out my role in this family.  My husband has a job, and he likes it, but there is so much more to it than that.  He has worked all day every day this week except Thanksgiving, and then he comes home, changes his shirt, and heads off to his game.  I have still been working my 2 jobs.  I usually get to my 2nd job early enough that I can get a ride to work, and then I usually walk home from work.  It is a nice walk.  It has been fun walking down the street with Christmas lights.  I didn't enjoy the holidays very much last year, to be honest, I even reflected on the night before Thanksgiving about where I was last year.  The night before Thanksgiving, I spent the night in EMDR.  It was a particularly hard session, I can still remember everything about it. 

Yesterday, as I talked with my individual therapist, I cried a lot.  We sat in silence a lot.  At one point she turned to me and reminded me how strong I was.  I am tired of being strong.  I don't want to be strong any more.