As I said in my prior post, I am finally done with all of the antibiotics.  After 3 weeks, it feels good to be done and to have all of that in the past.  Granted, now I am getting the bills, and they are not pretty!  The last time I was on antibiotics for an extended period of time for an ear infection, I ended up getting a pocket of infection in my intestine.  I am not going to lie, I totally think I am headed in that direction again.  My stomach has been hurting me for the last couple days and I have some other issues that I feel like my body is freaking out!  I really need my body to cooperate with me.  I need my walks to the Temple again.  I need to feel better.  I need to not be exhausted.  I need to not be on Tylenol and Advil.  I was on some pretty strong antibiotics for the last 3 weeks and I was warned that it was killing all of the bacteria in my body.  I was warned that my immune system would be compromised this winter.  I was advised that I should have a flu shot because of the severe compromise I was at an increased risk for anything viral but that I had to wait until all of the antibiotics were out of my system.  Well, not only did the antibiotics kill the bad bacteria but it also killed the good bacteria.  I thought about buying probiotics when I had my antibiotics filled, and refilled, but I was so tired of having pills, that I passed.  Now, my body is regretting it.  I can't stand yogurt, but after what the antibiotics did to my calcium levels, my body could have used that yogurt.  As I said, I really need my body to cooperate with me.

We went to marriage therapy yesterday.  She was pretty blunt with me.  I am finding that people feel that they have to be blunt with me when it comes to therapy.  My problem is that I am going thru so much in my head that NOONE could be harder on me, than me!  My mind is not stupid.  Everyone has defense mechanisms that they use to protect themselves.  Sometimes in therapy, the defense mechanisms get broken down, or they get "torn down" and you are left exposed.  That is what therapy is supposed to do, that means it is working.  But, sometimes, you just need that defense mechanism, that security blanket.  Sometimes, that is the only thing that helps you to feel safe and loved.  I understand it is not good to have these "securities", but sometimes you just need a rest.