I know I already posted today, but again, my head is spinning.  Today is one of my daughters birthdays.  We have been busy doing Birthday things for her today.  My husband is now gone for the day and night doing his basketball games.  I have been so confused for months as I sort thru my particular trials in life.  My husband is struggling with me, our marriage has been struggling for months.  Every day, he stands over me, as he is a foot taller than me, and waits for a kiss.  I am not going to lie, there are days where I just can't do it.  I don't know what love is.  As I dealt with my eye infection, and watched the actions of my husband, and children, I have asked myself more than once, is that love?  Does he really love me?  Is it just words?  Is he saying it to check in with me and make sure he is still OK with me?  This afternoon as he stood over me waiting for me to give him a kiss, I admit, I was a little mad.  Our daughter's birthday is not a big surprise, it happens the same day every year.  Our family always goes to dinner at the choice of the Birthday girl's choosing.  Today, he didn't have time for that.  Just 2 days ago, he complained that the children don't even talk to him any more, hello!  It's called making time for them.  This life is all about choices.  He made his choice tonight, just as he has done so many times.  This time is different because he has a day job now, so now, he can't say that this is his job and that he has to go, he chose his schedule.  When do I become important?  When do my daughters become important?