Had my weekly therapy session.  It was good.  We talked a lot and I was more open with the things that are going on in my home.  He has asked me to come up with a "game plan" and to be honest, with the hard things that I have to do, I am grateful that I have someone that is willing to help me implement my game plan.  My "game plan" has to include some very difficult things for me to do, things that are going to hurt.  I read somewhere that "change" hurts but to avoid the "change" hurts more in the long run.  Well, I don't really like pain and the "change's" that I need to make, just thinking of them makes my heart hurt. 

I wish I knew what the future held for me and my family.  That would be really nice because right now we are doing very hard things, and as the Bishop pointed out this trial would not be ending very soon.  I am scared of the uncertainty.  I am scared of the future, but I have to have HOPE.  I have to hope that I can have a brighter future.  That I can strengthen my family, as well as myself, and Hope to come out stronger than I could have ever imagined.

I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason, and because of that, my Heavenly Father has a brighter plan for me (wish I knew what it was!!!).  I am not very patient and I don't want to wait until the next life to know what Heavenly Father has in store for me and my family.  I wish I had more confidence in myself because the hard things that are coming in the near future are so scary to me and I am the only one that can make this life better for all of those involved.

I am sorry this blog post is so vague, it is because the "game plan" has to be between me and my therapist only right now, I can't involve a whole lot of people until the "game plan" is in place.