Yesterday, instead of the Sabbath being hard for me, I was numb.  I was numb thru most of my meetings and even when I met with my Bishop, until the last 20 minutes of our talk.  Then, I started to feel and it hurt.  It hurts to tell others about what is going on in my life, and sometimes, it hurts to hear their opinions and advice. 

My therapist asked me to have a family council to discuss some of my boundary issues.  However, he then asked me to talk this over with my Bishop.  I did that and the Bishop needed some time to think about this family council.  He doesn't want to make things worse for me or my family and I understand that completely.

Last night, I hit a breaking point.  I advised my husband that I needed some help.  I need some help from him, and I need some help from my kids.  Right now, there is just too much stress coming down on me.  I am so close to admitting myself to the hospital because I just can't take much more.  As I voiced my frustration to my husband I broke down and cried.  Sometimes, there is just too much to carry. 

In a group session a couple weeks ago a woman shared an analogy of this particular trial as a journey up a hill with a back pack on my back.  Last night as I laid crying on my husband's shoulder I told him that I just need to take my back pack off for just a little bit.  Right now, my back pack seems so heavy, I don't have the energy to carry it up the hill any further.  So, last night, I laid my back pack down and fell asleep.  Today is a new day and my journey still seems long, but I was able to pick up my back pack this morning and proceed up this hill.