Last night, was individual therapy.  On Friday, I worked all day, even ate lunch at my desk.  My body started hurting, I thought it was just from sitting.  Needless to say, McDonald's fixed our dinner.  Friday, night, the pain just got more persistant, and I knew I was getting sick.  I sat in a bubble bath, and took lots of Ibuprofen.  I had a scratchy throat.  Saturday morning, is my favorite day usually because I get to take my long walk to the Temple.  However, yesterday, I woke up and I had hit a brick wall.  My body hurt so bad and I was so congested.  I truly thought I could do nothing.  Even my eyes hurt, my ears hurt, my toes hurt.  Our family was assigned to clean the church and I didn't want to let anyone down, so I went and cleaned the church.  I just took a lot of ibuprofen.  I got home fixed my kids breakfast and then went back to bed.  I still had to do some errands and so I would rest, and then I would do what I needed to do until I hit that brick wall again, and then I would rest again.  I am doing that routine again today. 

I knew I didn't feel well, and I worried about being contagious, but I am being a little selfish when I say this, but I think I would have felt worse if I did't go to therapy, so I took my Ibuprofen, and went to therapy. 

This week, I struggled with what kind of friend I am.  I don't feel like I am a very good friend.  I feel like I overwhelm a lot of people, friends, therapists, family, the list goes on and on.  I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality.  I researched borderline and friendships.  I have struggled with the diagnosis.  My therapist last night reminded me that we went thru the manual and yes, I have borderline, but I am not borderline.  I researched and unfortunately, borderline does not ever go away.  It is something that I will have to learn to live with.  It is very hard to do that.  I watched a commercial on Disney channel where a young girl talks about dyslexia.  I think that if I could relate borderline to anything it would be dyslexia.  With dyslexia you have to learn how to read, once you realize what you have to do to read, you live with those lessons and everytime you read something, you follow your lessons.  Borderline is the exact same way, I have learned lessons in therapy, to help me thru life, granted sometimes there is so much stuff going on that it is hard to remember the lessons.