OK, I am just going to say, Therapy is rough!  We are really starting to get into the nitty gritty of "me".  I am so not comfortable finding out my feelings towards "me".  I hate that therapy doesn't end when I leave.  My last session was on Saturday, and my mind, and my tears have not stopped since I left.  My therapist is going out of town this weekend and so my next session is tomorrow, I have been thinking about my homework assignment all day.  I need to get it done because I can guarantee I am going to probably cry thru the entire assignment.  I keep thinking that I can't do it, but in my heart, I know it has to be done.  I have never known pain like this.  Childbirth and thyroid cancer are nothing compared to the pain that I have had in my heart over the last year. 

Yesterday, I went to the Brigham City Temple dedication.  I cried thru the whole thing.  It is the closest I have come to a Temple in over a year.  I still struggle so much with feelings of worthiness.  As I prepared to go yesterday, I did everything I could to avoid my feelings.  I even in my heart had to fight to even get myself ready to go.  I literally got ready in 5 minutes.  My family was even in the car waiting for me.  I got in there and we sat right behind the Bishop.  Bless his heart, he is really trying to help me thru this.  In the 1 1/2 hours that the session took to complete I completely used 4 Kleenex.  They were soaked, and I was an emotional mess.  I sat with my two girls and cried.  I was so uncomfortable sitting there, I can't tell you how many times I had to remind myself that I was worthy to be there.  My daughters started to ask questions about the Temple, questions about my sister that passed away.  They asked about her Husband.  My sister did not marry in the temple.  She struggled with her marriage, but I truly believe that she loved her Husband.  My heart was heavy as I thought about her Earth life.  Her greatest desire was to be sealed to her Husband, and I can promise you that she will be with him Forever.  It will take some work from this side, and there will have to be some hearts that heal but it will happen for her.