So, my husband wants to continue talking about the abuse.  There are days where I just can't do it.  There are days where him even breathing on my neck makes me want to crawl.  I am still very much in my head from his comments from this last weekend.  I really want to cry!  As I have said, his sports schedule is starting to interfere with his "day job".  There are times where I feel like I am making him do something he really doesn't want to do.  It is almost as though I am punishing him by making him work.  Yesterday, after a particularly "heated" discussion, he advised me that he is angry that I don't "trust" him.  Do you know how much it hurts to know that I don't "trust" anyone?  I am working so hard to learn how to "trust", I am learning how to even "trust" myself, so how in the HELL am I supposed to do this any faster so as to not rock his world any more than I already have?  I asked him why knowing how I struggle to "trust" , he would "test" that trust with screwing up his job?  Of course, when I throw it back at him, he just sits there and doesn't say a thing, so again, it's all me!  I wonder if a marriage can even survive when I don't "trust".  I wonder if I push any harder will he "crack under pressure?"  Do you have any idea how many times I think every day that I have ruined his life?  I don't get a lot of support from him, and I don't get a lot of support from his side of the family.  The last full time job my husband had, I heard from his parents how awful the situation he was in, on a daily basis.  When his last job let him go, it was the best thing for him.  That was 10 years ago.  I am not going to say that he should have had a job for the last 10 years because I did take advantage of him being home with our children.  But, I do find it ironic that once again I am hearing how awful the situation is with my husband working, how he is so unhappy, and no one deserves to be treated like that!  HELLO!  You are 52 years old, if you don't like where you are working, get out and find another job that makes you happy!  He has said that he has been working on an application with Sports Authority.  He has been working on that application for 3 weeks.  Today, as I thought about Christmas and providing for my kids, I have to admit, I applied for a job at Target!  It took me 20 minutes, and that was even having to think about what hours I could work.  Sometimes I question if he is honest with me.  Again, it bothers him that I don't "trust" him.  To be honest, there are days where I just don't think I can keep this up any more.