My individual therapist is so good to me.  I was in my head so bad from my husband's comments that Wednesday, I almost lost my job.  I was so distracted that my Boss  was on me for a couple little mistakes.  My problem is, I didn't know how to get out of my head.  Wednesday night, I knew I needed help getting out of my head to go to marriage therapy on Thursday.  I am not going to lie, the comments that my husband spoke to me over the weekend hurt SO BAD!  I could not believe that he had said these hurtful comments to me and didn't care that he had said them.  I still don't know if I can save my marriage.  My individual therapist texted me thru the comments and gave me the strength to confront my husband about the comments.

We went in to marriage therapy and like my individual therapist said, I told the marriage therapist that I didn't want to be there, and that if I could have walked out, I would have.  I advised my marriage therapist of the comments that were said.  She turned as white as a ghost.  She turned to my husband and advised him that she was not mad but wanted to understand what would have possessed my husband to make those comments to me.  She then asked him to maybe rephrase the statement in a better way.  His comment instead of saying that my brother was "doing" me, he could have said when my brother was having "sex" with me, or was having "intercourse" with me.  I literally "shuttered" when he said those comments.  As we were talking in therapy, my husband also disclosed that he had actually found a boy that he believes was the other boy that raped me.  He advised me that he had also gone to this man's house.  I could not believe that this was happening.  I had to tell the marriage therapist about the other boy.  I told both my husband and the therapist about the HELL that I went thru to come to the decision not to pursue the other boy, now, I have to think about my husband pursuing him!  Are you kidding me?  Can someone please stop this nightmare?

Last night, as I cried myself to sleep, I laid there and pleaded with my Heavenly Father to please help me understand what exactly a "loving Heavenly Father is".