As I mentioned last week, my Bishop spoke with the marriage therapist.  Awhile back she asked me if anything my husband did would ever be good enough for me?  Unfortunately, she said the same comment to my Bishop.  Do you know how that makes me feel?  I totally feel as though I am selfish, and materialistic.  I have never required much so when my husband says this comment as he is walking out of my home, it was very hurtful.  I even told my Bishop yesterday, that this comment alone probably hurts more than anything anyone else could ever say to me. 

My individual therapist is out of town and so after my Bishops conversation with me yesterday, I totally needed my therapist to talk me thru my thoughts.  Thankfully, I have a dear friend that was willing to listen and help me sort thru some things. 

Today is my brother's oldest sons Birthday.  This boy is a very good boy.  He will be 20, I had the priviledge of having him in my home.  He is handicapped and desires to go on a Church Service Mission.  He is a great kid.  My daughter made him a Birthday card yesterday and he loved just the little thought.  I found out last night that he met with the Bishop yesterday as well, but his visit was so he could get a Temple Recommend.  His desire is to go to the Temple by the end of the month.  I am so excited for him, but my emotions are EVERYWHERE.  My emotions are selfish on my part.  I still very much struggle with feelings of worthiness.  I will admit, I have feelings of fear, I have feelings of never being good enough to be in such a sacred place.  I have feelings of anger towards my brother, his father, and then I have feelings of anger towards myself because this boy did nothing wrong so why punish him. 

Who defines what is good enough for me?  I don't even know.