So, I did something last night that I have not done in months.  I am numb.  I was intimate with my husband.  I even know the reasons why I did it and they are not good.  I needed love and I didn't care where I got it.  I had dealt with my kids long enough, and there was no love there, and to be honest, there was not a lot of love between me and my husband.  I have thought a lot about this through the night.  I wanted to go into hiding, and realistically, I wanted to run away, but I talked thru that with my therapist and I am not ready to "dumpster dive" and to live without a shower so that isn't going to work either.