This weekend has been a rough one for me.  I know it doesn't help that I am exhausted.

I went to therapy and we discussed my letters about Baptism.  My therapist asked some pretty deep questions of me regarding the Temple and my purpose in life.  We talked about my family struggles and then he asked if I was truly happy.  ( I don't think that is a fair question to ask me, because if I were truly happy, I wouldn't be going to therapy!)

Well, my session, along with taking care of my daughter has sent me in to a tail spin.  This morning as I was up with my little one, I wondered, "why does God hate me".  I know that life is about choices.  Well, right now, some of my trials, had nothing to do with my choice so I can't say I made a "bad decision". 

I lay in bed this morning and looked back on my life.  My life is nothing like I imagined it would be.  I am not the person I imagined I would be.  I even apologized to my husband this morning because I am not the wife I wanted to be either. 

I hear on a daily basis from at least 1 of my children that -so and so is my favorite, or that I love another child more than the other.  This is a very hard thing for me to hear.  As I think back on my children, each one of them is very special.  I could never love one more than the other.  One child's needs are greater than another at that time, that doesn't mean that I love the other less. 

Everything I do, I do for my family.  I have heard it said that depression can make one selfish.  I can understand when that happens for me because there are times where I just want to be alone.  So, maybe during my alone time I am being selfish.  Sometimes, there is just not much left of me to give.