Last night's session went well.  There were so many things to discuss.  I told my therapist that I didn't think I was ready to discuss my abandonment issues yet.  He was OK with that and so we moved forward.  We actually talked about a lot of things.  We discussed the abandonment issues, we talked about self-sabotage, and self fulfilling prophecies, and then we talked about self injury. 

I am finding that I might be addicted to self injuring my self.  There are many things that I do and this week I found that binge eating is not a good thing for me.  I had a lot of sugar on Wednesday afternoon-salt water taffy, my favorite- needless to say, after all of that sugar, my blood sugar levels plummeted.  It was very scary for me.  I became pale, and clammy, and cold, and shaky.  I called my Dr so we could see if it is something I need to address with him, but I think it is something that I need to address with Jade, my therapist. 

We talked about Terri and Jade has asked that I not receive any contact from her for at least 6 months, just until I am better able to have and set boundaries.  We talked about how a true friend will lift you up and encourage you, not make you feel anxious or bad about yourself. 

As I write this, it brings up a lot of emotion, and brings up memories of our discussion last night.  It's not all that good at this time.  I am feeling anxious as I read and reflect on self-fulfilling prophecy and self-sabotage.  I kept telling Jade that it wasn't fair to say, he kept saying that life wasn't fair.