My therapist, bless his heart found me an appointment for tonight.  I am really anxious for our visit.  It does not feel like a good anxious either.  I have recognized that I have some major abandonment issues.  This is pretty hard to come to terms with.  The thoughts that this all stemmed from my relationship with my parents and family as I was young is pretty devastating actually to me.  I sit and think, why didn't my parents want to be close to me.  Was I a difficult child?  If all of my relationships have abandonment issues, then really why doesn't anyone want to be close to me?  What is a healthy relationship, why haven't I had one?  Have I ever had one?  If my abandonment issues are causing relationships in my everyday life, then that means it is affecting my relationship most importantly with my children and my husband.  My relationship with my husband is a whole other topic of conversation. 

My husband still does not have a job.  He doesn't really have the motivation to get one either.  I don't understand.  I then tend to think, why am I not worth him wanting to work?  Can you tell it becomes an ugly "catch 22" for me?  Does he really want to be with me in the Eternities?  Is he willing to do what is necessary to keep me in the Eternities?

My Father in law had some health issues last week.  I understand that my husband was thrown off a little by this.  Thankfully, his father is fine now and we can go back to address the issues at hand.