I have been attending the LDS Addiction Recovery Program.  We study the 12 steps that teach us how to move past our addictive behaviors.  We are currently on step 9.  Step 9  is to reconcile with those you have wronged.  During the sharing portion a gentleman mentioned that he received a step 9 letter from his son.  How sorry his son was and how beautiful and cherished that letter is.  I immediately wished that I had a step 9 letter from my brother.  I want to know that he is sorry.  I want to know that he is sorry because of his feelings of remorse and not just because someone else tells him to be sorry.  What I wouldn't give for that Step 9 letter from him.  I don't know what I would do if I did get that letter.  Would I be grateful for it?  Would I be angry that he finally confessed his wrongs to me?  I don't know, I will never get that letter.  However, I hope that he is working as hard as I am.  I know that he had some issues that he needed to address and I hope that he is doing that.  The more I work thru, the softer my heart becomes.  There are days where I am angry, I am very angry.  Then there are days where I am so sad.  Sad for what happened.  Sad for what could have been, angry for what it was.  Sad for what it left behind.