I really hope that writing helps because if not, I am screwed! I don't know what else to try. I went to my therapy session on Saturday. When I met with my new Bishop. He asked a question about my temple recommend and I reluctantly said "I don't know!" I then explained that I knew that "I don't know is not an acceptable answer in therapy" and so I needed a minute to really think about what he was asking. He then explained that in therapy "I don't know" also means in therapy that often times the client doesn't want to go any deeper. That made complete sense to me. I explained that theory to my therapist on Saturday at the start of my session and we went on. As I talked, she asked the question, "where is all this self-blame coming from?" First, I wasn't aware I was blaming myself. I am a little confused about the difference between "responsibility" and "self-blame". As I contemplated that question, I said to her, "I don't know, and yes, that means I don't want to go any deeper." So, we moved on, but again, therapy never ends and so of course as my mind kept working thru the session I am forced to go deeper.
I have wondered if my life would be easier if I stopped therapy. I kind of like to relate all of this to a train ride. So, I got on this train ride hoping to arrive to a beautiful destination. However, I got on this train ride and hit a rough part on the tracks, my repressed memories surfaced, and caused my beautiful peaceful train ride to head
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