Jade and I talked about my relationship with Heavenly Father.  I asked him about the anger that I had towards Heavenly Father.  Jade mentioned that anger is always a secondary emotion.  When push came to shove I found that my primary emotion was hurt or pain from Heavenly Father.  So, what is it with Heavenly Father that causes me to feel hurt.  As I reflected on this question this past weekend I asked myself this many times.  I think what makes me hurt is that Heavenly Father allowed the abuse to happen.  I hurt that he didn't answer my prayers.  I hurt that my parents still to this day don't believe that it was anything more than playing Dr.  I hurt that I have allowed this to change who I am.  I hurt that I don't have a trusting relationship with Heavenly Father.  I hurt that I can't willingly turn myself over to him because of that lack of trust.  I hurt that I have to have control over every situation that involves me.  I hurt that Heavenly Father has lead me down paths that are uncomfortable for me.  I understand that everything will "work together for my good."  But, sometimes I wonder where he is.  Sometimes I feel very alone.