I must admit, my individual therapist last week gave me some very difficult homework last week.  I dreaded it all week.  Yes, there is the prime example of the difference between "pain" and "suffering".  Yes, I know I prolonged the "suffering". 

I did my Temple walk again today.  I really do love it.  I remember thinking I could never walk up to the Temple.  It was too far, the hill was too hard.  I finally challenged myself and achieved it.  Now, it is my favorite walk of the week.  I remind myself that it is not a race.  That no one cares how long it takes me, and that no one cares if I have to stop to breathe along the way.

I can't tell you how many times I relate it to therapy.  Today, my sister in law called to ask a question.  She asked a question regarding our plans and I mentioned that I was going to therapy.  She proceeded to advise me that sometimes therapists keep you coming for the money.  I advised her that I had a lot to work thru.  She proceeded to tell me that there is nothing I could be learning today that I couldn't have gotten done in the first 10 sessions.  She advised me how much the church is paying for my therapy.  Please let me feel like a burden all over again, please!  Because, I don't feel like this already.  I don't wonder if I was supposed to be done with everything in the alotted 30 visits with LDS Family.  I don't wonder if this is the best that my life has to offer.  I don't wonder at all if I can do this.  I don't wonder at all if any of this is even real.  Please make me feel better about this, Really?  This sister in law knows nothing of the hell I have been going thru, but definitely has her opinion.  The only reason why she even knows the slightest information is because my husbands parents called her after my husband gave them the information about my first flashback.

I so much want to be by myself.  I don't want to do this.  I again, hate feeling so exposed.