I have become emotionally numb.  I felt vulnerable after telling my parents and so I think my emotions just shut down.  Feeling numb is not a good thing for me because the urge to self injure is more intense.  I think its because I want to feel something, I avoid the bad feelings, I want to feel something good.  I cried a lot this weekend as I did my homework.  I am starting to become unnumb and right now I feel like crying, but I am at work, so I will compose myself.  Work has become a little stressful as we are losing Albert.  Pressure becomes greater for me to perform and produce as now I will be the only producer in the office.  I have been having such a hard time sleeping at nights.  When I told my parents about the abuse and David's use of pornography, my Dad admitted to me that he used to have a subscription to PlayBoy.  That didn't affect me until yesterday when it had time to sink in.  I love my Father, and I know he made a lot of mistakes in raising David.  Really, pornography is one of my triggers.  Now, I wonder if David got the magazines from my Dad.  If it was OK for my Dad, then it was OK for my brother.