I have had a lot of thoughts going thru my little head.  I did some therapy homework while Jade was gone on vacation.  I think I was triggered by my homework.  Well, I guess I shouldn't say I think, I know I was triggered by my homework.  It has been dang hard as I sort thru my thoughts. 

One of my thoughts keeps taking me back to a memory of my Dad.  I love my Dad, I always have.  I have been reminded of one day when I was little.  He would tickle me until I couldn't breathe.  I would keep yelling at him to stop.  It wouldn't stop until I could kick myself out of it, or I would start crying.  My Dad doesn't like crying.  I remember he would get so angry when my Mom would cry during the prayer. 

I have been saddened by some of these memories.  I wish that I could stop the memories.  When I first started this journey, I felt that I had been shown enough.  It was bad enough that I had to learn about the abuse by my brother.  What if I find out that I was abused by my parents?  I can't take it any more.  I need Pandora's box to shut.  I need it to shut until I am ready to handle more.  Jade keeps telling me that I am stronger than I know. 

As I think of this Pandora's box, I wish that I could go back to the beautiful childhood that I thought I had.  I want to look at my life thru my rose colored glasses where everything is peaceful and everything is beautiful.