Jade has been gone 5 days.  I have only had to text him once.  I have wanted to text him numerous times but I know he is on vacation and deserves to have a break from me.  In our last session, Jade talked to me about how I "intellectually" know the church is true, and that I am worthy to partake of the sacrament, but that "emotionally" I am not.  On Sunday, when the Sacrament was passed I remembered our talk and also reading the scriptures and I really wanted to pass on the Sacrament because my emotions were so high strung that I struggled to compose myself.  I reminded myself that I was worthy, but in my heart, it was a hard Sunday. 

Later that night I went to the addiction recovery group.  It was step 2 on hope.  It was going really well, until it came to be my turn to speak.  I talked about how I was reading the scriptures and found the scripture that "all things" would work together for my good.  I was grateful for the program, and for the Atonement.  After I spoke a gentleman spoke and he told the group his wife was dying of cancer and he said some pretty hard things.  It was too much to take in and left the group stunned. The last gentleman to talk spoke about how we totally got off the subject of hope and totally floored me.  I am not sure I will be going back.

Yesterday, I got a letter from the State of Utah indicating that I am found eligible for vocational rehab.  That was pretty exciting except for when I read that I was "severely disabled" according to the rehab standards.  I don't consider myself disabled, so that was pretty hard for me to read.

I have been doing my homework as requested.  I don't see Jade for another week and a half.  I have been keeping myself busy, which means that basically the work has stopped until I get back with Jade.  Heaven only knows how that will go.