I have had some time to sit and ponder on my thoughts yesterday.  Last night Jan Greenhalgh came to our house to do a Bishop's order.  She sat and listened as I cried.  It was good for me to cry, I needed to let some of my emotions out.  Today, I am pretty much either drained or numb because I don't know what to feel today.

As I read some of my thoughts from yesterday, I am reminded that only the Lord knows the end from the beginning.  Right now, I am in the middle, I can't see beyond my hand in front of my face.  That's ok for now because it is what it is. 

I have a lot to process with Jade this week as it has been two weeks since we have met.  I will admit, I am nervous about my session.  A lot has gone on in two weeks.  At first, I thought, I could do this by myself, that I don't need therapy anymore.  Now, I feel like I want to do this by myself so that I don't have to open up to Jade or anyone else for that matter.  I know it is better to talk about it and get thru some of my distorted thoughts, but I don't want to feel judged.  Again, that is just me. 

I don't want to do this anymore.  I think I want to take a break from therapy for right now.