We went to marriage therapy, and for the most part it went well.  As I have said before, when I go to therapy it doesn't stop when I leave the office.  That is actually when therapy starts for me.  My mind is always going.  Sometimes that is not a good thing. 

Yesterday, I was exhausted.  I worked both jobs and my 2nd job is a lot of hard work, in a short amount of time.  So, I am always going.

As I mentioned several times, I am LDS.  I have been working with the Bishop and bless his heart has allowed me to go to the Bishop's Storehouse.  This is a place where one can go and get food to provide for your family.  Every time I go it is such a humbling experience for me.  Last night, as I walked out and loaded my car, I walked back in to return the cart and Thanked the workers.  As I walked back out to my car, I was overloaded with emotions.  I actually cried the entire trip home as I thought that all of the service that I provide my neighbors, could never repay what they have done for me.  (That is the emotional mind!)  Then, in the whisper of the spirit, I am told I don't have to repay. (That is the wise mind-I think! :) ) Because, even though I can't ever repay, there is someone that already paid the price.  I believe that to be my Savior.

When I got home from both jobs, and the Bishop's Storehouse, I then had to put all of the food away.  This for me entails a lot of organization as I rotate all of my food.  I went into my kitchen, and the dishes had not been done.  I was informed by my children that they needed to have some laundry done, and dinner had not been prepared.  Needless to say, I stood over the sink of dishes and cried.  I really wonder what I am supposed to be doing.  I am one person that has a lot asked of her.  My entire family was home all day.  My husband didn't even need to work, but yet I have a very stressful day job, and then have to do all these things, just to keep my household running.  There were a couple things that he said in marriage therapy that really threw me.  I made sure that my voice was heard. 

I am going to say this, I was really thrown when the therapist-who hardly knows me- tells me I carry a lot of "shame".  I already knew this, but uhm, do I carry it so it shows?  I read an article yesterday about "triangulation" which the reason why I was withdrawn from one of my prior therapists was because of this.  So, I fear even saying anything, for the fact that one might take it wrong, and I form another "freaking triangle."  It's almost easier to just let the voices in my head discuss it between the two of us.  (I don't want you to think I hear voices-I am not psycho- I recognize the voice is my conscience-I just googled it, it is normal! *thank goodness*)