Yesterday, after I posted on this blog, I started wondering how I could get to know the Savior better.  I started reading about his life in the New Testament.  I will admit, I have always read The Book of Mormon, but I felt like if I really wanted to Know him, I needed to read about him.  I haven't come up with anything new. 

I went on to LDS.org and searched "how can I come to know the Savior?"  Many articles came up in regards to the answer to my question.  I have to admit, I read the search lines and I cried.  One of the words that kept coming up is "trust".  I tend to like control of every situation.  I am slowly learning that I can't do that-which I hate that I can't do.  It is hard for me to see how much I don't trust.  It is hard for me to see that I don't know any differently, hence the ugly pattern. 

I have isolated a lot this week.  I am trying to sort thru my thoughts and my emotions.  I haven't done a lot of homework as I basically have just tried to survive working 2 jobs and still trying to maintain my home life.  My 12 year old stresses about a lot of things-what is she going to wear, when can she be with her friends, what if my friends don't like me, what can she do to improve her relationships with her friends (does it sound familiar?)  The hard part is that when I was her age, I did not have a lot of friends.  I kept to myself a lot, or hung out with my little sister and her friends.  We had girls all over in the neighborhood but I have found I carried a lot of shame.  Have I told you that "invisible" is a good thing for me?  I remember even in High School walking down "stud hall" where all the athletes would sit.  It's funny they would call it "stud hall" because the hall was right across from the locker room-the "studs" sat there because they are the only ones that could stand to smell it!  Anyways, I would walk down "stud hall" and I remember repeating over and over in my head "please don't notice me, please don't notice me..."  I did this exact same process in the music hall.  Thankfully, I don't remember anyone noticing me so my prayer was answered.  In High School, I would find the secluded halls and use them to get to class.  Funny thing is when I go with my little ones to the ball games, I walk those secluded halls with them.  My daughters can't ever get lost at Viewmont High.