Yesterday was a rough day.  I did go home and rewrite my letter to my "trauma" although I have a hard time calling it "trauma" when it was clearly abuse.  So, I wrote my letter to my abuse.  I thought that I wouldn't have much to say, but heaven forbid, it ended up being 4 pages. 

I have been feeling very low.  The Dr's are working on my medication and so my mind is fluctuating as much as my meds are.  Yesterday I was very suicidal.  I know that my kids might struggle hearing that.  Please know that it isn't me, but is my mental illness.  Right now, until I get my medications under control, my emotions could run away with me.  Dad is working very hard to keep me safe.

I have been reaching out to Jade since I left my session last Thursday.  I have not heard 1 thing from him.  It is very frustrating when my emotions are going so crazy.  I have been texting him because as I mentioned in a prior post, my last session was rough.  That is how long I have been trying to reach out to him. 

This afternoon when I was struggling with my emotions I asked Jed for a priesthood blessing.  He then told me that he was impressed to mention that I needed to continue with therapy.  I also turned to my Bishop, Bishop Wittwer.  He thankfully responded to me.  He sent me a quote; "Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time.  Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness.  There is a season of anger.  A season of tranquility.  A season of hope."  -- Thomas Moore.

I have to realize that no matter how hard it is, I need to keep going.  That there is a season of sadness, and a period of anger.  Then there comes a season of Forgiveness and hope.