I have been really struggling with the pain that my last therapy session brought to the surface in regards to being bullied in my youth.  I am surprised at how the bullying has affected me, even today as I still have pain when I think of my experiences.  I truly want to cry.  I told my Bishop, I didn't think I could go any further in therapy.



He sent me a reply and asked me what gospel principles I am learning from therapy.  I wrote " 

When Jade was asked what his treatment goal for me was, he stated that I would know when I was done when I have forgiven myself.  My first thought was that I am learning forgiveness, forgiveness of my brother, my parents, my friends, etc.  As the scripture states “love thy neighbor as thyself”.  I have never loved myself, I still have a problem with this.  In our Relief Society lesson on Sunday Cecily Cook taught the lesson and talked about photography where she compared us to a picture that wasn’t perfect.  However, when the photo is cropped and taken care of, that picture becomes “wall worthy”.  After the lesson Jan, the Relief Society President, came up to me and asked me if I felt like I was “wall worthy”.  I am still working on “cropping and taking care of” my picture.  I am learning to understand the Atonement on a much more personal level than I could ever have imagined.  I am learning that Gethsemane was not just for sin, but also for my inequalities, my weaknesses, my worries, my fears, the list goes on and on.  I am learning to have hope and to trust in God, knowing that his plan is greater than I could ever imagine. 

  

The next question he asked is "What am I doing well? "That was the hardest question that he gave me today.  He then replied to me to read the last couple sentences in the paragraph above.

 

The last question he asked is "where can I improve?"  My response is as follows,"

I still am not so sure about my self -worth.   I am learning, but it is a slow process for me.  I wish I could just say that I know I am a Daughter of God, but that is one of those positive affirmations I keep telling myself so that one day, I will believe it.  I need to improve my relationship with Heavenly Father.  To be honest, I don’t know how to pray to him.  It is very hard for me to ask for things for myself.  I remember you stating that Prayer was a Covenant.  I am trying.  Sometimes it feels as though no one is listening."

 

So, it sounds as though therapy is helping, it is just soooooo hard.  Did I mention how hard it was?  I am learning a lot, but there is a lot of pain that goes along with it.

 

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