So, I don't see Jade for 2 weeks, which is actually killing me because he gave me some pretty intense thoughts and homework.  We talked about Shame and how shame happens.  Shame comes from abandonment which leads to isolation.  It is a terrible cycle.  So, I have some shame when it comes to my religion.  I struggle to feel worthy of my Savior's love, let alone my Heavenly Father.  Right now, I have isolated myself from Heavenly Father, which means that I feel abandoned by him.  As I reflected on this statement, I have found that it is true I have isolated and there are times where I do feel abandoned by the Lord.  Yesterday as I was pondering during the Sacrament I asked "how much longer do I need to be in the refiner's fire?"  I have been here a very long time.  Sometimes it seems as though I will be there forever.  Then I think was I not good enough to get out, have I not learned something that I am supposed to learn?  Again, another terrible cycle.

My homework this week is to write 10 things that I need to forgive myself for.  It should be pretty easy right?  Yeah, I will work thru it.