Today is my birthday.  What are my thoughts today?  Well, I have pondered on my inner child and to be honest, I just want to cry today.  I pondered on my 8th Birthday.  I was so excited to have a Birthday, but so terrified to be baptized.  I remember hoping that others would forget about my Baptism so I wouldn't need to go thru with it.  I remember Verlon Duncan was my Bishop.  He knew of my fears.  Even in my interview with him, I told him I didn't think that I could get baptized.  He was so kind and gentle with me.  I remember that day going up to the A Frame chapel in our Stake.  He let me help fill the font with water.  I even picked the temperature. 

Baptisms are so special in our religion, and each baptism that I have prepared my daughters for has been very special and dear to my heart.  Each one of them looked beautiful in their 2nd of 3 white dresses.

I remember shaking as I entered that Font.  Many thought I was shaking because the water was cool, but I was shaking because of my fear.  I was so worried I would fall, or I would do something that would humiliate myself and my family.  My Grandparents were there.  The last thing I wanted to do was embarass them.  I did it.  I did get baptized and my fear went away.

I still worry about failing in the face of my family.  I worry about humiliating them, or embarassing them beyond belief.  My Grandparents are both gone now, and I never could measure up.

Now that I am baptized I can honestly say that my baptism day has blessed my life immensely, no matter how frightened I was I survived.  Much like many other situations in my life.  Each week when I partake of the Sacrament, I still struggle with my fears of humiliating myself, my family, friends, etc.  I still feel like I can't measure up enough to please my Heavenly Father.  Sacrament is still very hard for me, but it is starting to get easier as I take little steps to come to know my Father in Heaven just a little bit better.