I met with the Bishop yesterday between General Conference sessions.  We talked a lot about my feelings of repentance and forgiveness.  At one point I asked him "how do you know that you are a child of God?"  We talked about that step in my healing process.  He mentioned that it will come with study and time.  You don't just learn it over night.  It is a growth process.  It is a very important part of my healing. 

One question I asked is "what if you repent and you screw up again?"  After I said it, I knew it was my "all or nothing thinking".  Just like my suicidal thoughts are "everything is good, or everything is bad."  The Bishop said there is a way that Jade can teach me how to rid myself of the "all or nothing" thinking."  Again, that takes time.

I have been trying to rush this process because I have been seeing Jade for so long. 

This last week we attempted to process chapter 8.  This chapter we talked about negative rules and messages.  It was hard but I thought I finished.  However, I failed to read the last paragraph.  It says, how did these negative messages affect your relationships not only with your family but also with God.  This 1 paragraph has caused me the most turmoil of the entire chapter as I reflect on how it has affected me.  Jade also had me watch a small video on Bullying.  I have been bullied most of my life.  It makes me sad to think about.