As I mentioned yesterday I have been asked for my 11 yr old self to reply back to my 41 yr old self.  This is not an easy thing to do.  I am going to be honest, the reason why this is not an easy task is because for one, I don't know how to be a kid, and two because I'm not so sure if you were to ask how my 11 yr old self feels about me I'm not so sure she would like me.

I'm lucky because for the moment, I have an 11 yr old in my home.  She turns 12 on Saturday.  The only reason why I am lucky is that it helps me understand what an 11 yr old desires and dreams.  The hard part is that I have an 11 yr old that is so much like me.  She is far more head strong than I was at her age but that is understandable considering that I didn't get a chance to be an 11 yr old.

As I think of what her emotional needs I see a girl that wants to have friends.  Her friends mean the world to her.  She is at the age that she wants to be a kid but wants to be recognized that she is growing up.  She loves to babysit and to feel needed by others.  She cares about what she wears.  She loves to talk/text on the phone,and hang out with friends.  She is not afraid to try new things, or if she is, she is not afraid to ask for a priesthood blessing to help her overcome her fear.  She works hard in school.  She has a quiet confidence as she learns to understand who she really is.

Now, I think back to my 11 yr old self.  I lived in fear a lot now that I think about it.  I was always the child that checked the locks on the doors and windows.  I never wanted to leave home and have sleep overs.  Now as an adult I know why because as I was abused I was often told that I would have to go and live with another family if anyone found out.  The last thing I wanted as a young girl was to be noticed.  I think I even hid behind my clothes.  I remember one summer that my mother bought a sun dress for me and my sister.  It had spaghetti straps.  I hardly wore that dress.  One is because I never felt modest in it, even with a shirt under it and a sweater over top, and two because a dress was easy access for my brother. (oh my hell, I need to get out of this flashback)