So, I have more questions today than I had yesterday.  I'm just going to go with my thoughts and hopefully my post will not be too long.  My day started yesterday with my Family Dr.  he is a good man and is one that I can talk to.  He has been keeping close eyes on my situation as I have chosen not to take any medications to help me thru this.  This is a personal preference for me and something that I have chosen, this is not for everyone, sometimes medication is necessary, and I am still not discounting that I may need to do that for myself, but for now it is what I have chosen.  I watched as my sister struggled and eventually died because of prescription drug usage, that is why I have chosen this direction.  My Family Dr was very compassionate as I told him of my struggles and he said to me " therapy is crucial for you."  So, there is where I feel that I have been directed.

My brother in law works for LDS family services.  I called him to get some free advice.  He was very good to listen, because he knows first hand my family.  So, I talked with him about my being turned away from LDS family services.  He advised me that it is common to refer clients to long term therapy.  So, I told him my 3 options and told him that I was pointing to my 3rd option.  Well, he advised me that my 3rd option may not be an option for ethical reasons.  Well, you know me, I don't want the rug pulled out from me again, so I asked him what he felt I should do.  He told me to turn to my therapist and then to turn to the director of LDS family services, and that the director is the only one that can make those decisions for LDS family services.

I left a message for my therapist, and then I called the director.  I was on the phone with him for 2 hours.  I talked to him about my situation.  He advised me that I had at least 3 very complex issues. We talked about my struggle to believe my repressed memories.  He then asked me a very poignant question, he asked me to tell him the first name of my best friend between the ages of 12-15.  He wanted to know who it was that I shared everything about me.  Then I advised him that I couldn't name even one close friend between those ages.  He said that is how he knew that my memories were not false, because you do tell your best friend everything.  I'm sorry, I just had a break through and had to sit and cry for a moment.  He then advised me that I needed to turn to my husband, and that he was free therapy.  Two weeks ago, when I met with my individual therapist, he advised me that I never let anyone in, including my husband.  I'm sorry, I am really struggling to write because, I just realized that I don't know how to do that.